The Reality of Things
by Lavinia1
Summary: Sango is attacked by an oni that brings back her awful memories, while all miroku can do is watch her suffering. Can he save her by his presence alone? S/M & a little I/K R/R pls!!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not, nor have I ever owned Inuyasha or his pals.  Damn.

Authors Note:  Hey guys!  I could really use your input.  I have a huge amount of ideas, but without a push in the right direction, I don't really think that any of them will ever come to light.  So this is me asking very nicely if you would "drop a line" and tell me what you thought.  Although I hardly think that I would enjoy flames, I doubt that I can avoid them.  Just try to make them constructive please.  ^_^

The Reality of Things

Chapter One

            Sango sat alone gazing at the starry night sky of the Sengoku Jidai; her hiraikotsu at her side, and a transformed Kirara warming her as she leaned against the fire cat for support.  She allowed her thoughts to drift to her friends and inevitably their quest.  She explored the various possibilities of the outcome of their hunt for Naraku.  But no.  They were going to defeat him, and then everything would be all right.  Right? 

            A small voice in the back of her mind whispered that there were some things that needed to be resolved before the showdown with Naraku… but she pushed them aside.  All would be well once Naraku was defeated.

            …But Kikyo… what would Inuyasha choose?  Life and happiness? Or hell?  Maybe it wasn't even her worry.  In a sense though, it was her concern.  Inuyasha and Kagome were her companions and friends and she loved them both dearly.  Their happiness was her happiness.  The little group they had formed, Shippou, Kagome, Inuyasha, and… Miroku.  She cared about all of them.  

Especially for the hentai monk.

She didn't really know when it happened exactly, but she had fallen in love with Miroku.  She knew that she had been uncomfortably aware of him from their first meeting.  It was hardly love at first sight, but she felt a certain empathy with the good looking houshi.  She had not been aware of his perverted ways when they had first met.  Even though she had been recovering from the injuries caused by her brother, her intelligence and awareness were in no way diminished.  She didn't know if the people who had taken her in were truly her friends or not.  So, she had set about keeping her eyes and ears open during her recovery.  Much to her surprise, the Buddhist priest was genuinely sympathetic towards her, often putting Inuyasha in his place whenever he tried to criticize her, reminding him of her tragic loss.

Aside from her gratitude for this, Sango had also felt a certain empathy with the monk.  They both knew what it was like to lose their loved ones under tragic circumstances.  She had lost her entire village, and was forced to watch the pain of her brother Kohaku after he had seen and recognized what he had done.  Miroku had lost his father in a manner that he felt sure that he would imitate one day.  His Kazaana would surely be his end…

No.  They would defeat Naraku.

With the end of Naraku, everything would be resolved wouldn't it?

With a sigh she admitted to herself 'probably not'.

'Baka hentai!  He could never, would never love me.  Not as I love him.  He feels me up, but only for the momentary gratification.  He would never devote himself to me as a husband.  And after losing so many people that I care about, I really don't think I have the strength to deal with a husband that was unfaithful.  Baka baka baka!'

Sensing her master and friend's mood, Kirara raised her head and gently nuzzed the back of Sango's neck.  She gave a sad little laugh at this and turned around slightly so that she could pet Kirara on the head.  "Well at least I know that you love me Kirara.  Although I'm really beginning to wonder who the true baka is in this situation.  Him, for being so frustrating and wonderful at the same time, or… me.  For loving him even though it's silly and stupid.  Ah well.  Up we get Kirara!  I would like to take a short walk before the others realize that we're missing from camp.  We would like to be alone for a little while ne?  It can get rather hectic these days."

And with that, the demon exterminator brushed herself off, and headed towards the nearby woods.  She didn't notice the shadowy figure rise to follow quietly behind her into the dark.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

So what did you think?  I really have never posted anything on ff.net before, so I have no clue if this is long enough, or spaced correctly, or written well…  HELP!  Please review!  I really do need the help.  And I'll be more than willing to read and review your fics as well!

By the way… who should the shadowy figure be?  It could be a good guy or a bad guy… either way there will be a nicely fluffed – up scene in the next chapter.  Hehe  

Review and tell me!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer:  Nope.  I don't own Inuyasha.  Never have, never will.  It's a shame though, because I'd fix all those frustrating little things that our dear Rumiko won't clear up for us yet.  But then that's what makes her wonderful, ne?

Author's Note:  Sorry about the length of the last chapter, but I've never posted on this site before, so I really don't know about a lot of things yet… but oh well!  I'll figure them out.  ^_^ 

Neoshipper – Thank you so much for reviewing!  I can't tell you how happy you made me!  (Ok, so that's a little sad, but it's not exactly an understatement.)  I surely hope I don't disappoint you, and you can bet that you'll see more Sango/Miroku fics coming from _this_ author!  Keep an eye out…

Youki Girl – I really think I benefited from your review, thanks for the input – I definitely need it!  And you can be sure that I took some of your suggestions into account.  Mwuhaha.  You're ideas really helped me since I'm such a newbie writer.  Thanks again!

The Reality of Things

Chapter Two

            Miroku only cracked a single eye ever so slightly as he heard Sango leave the camp.  She crept silently from their little group, mindful of waking the others.  He admired her form in the moonlight through silted eyes as she walked away with her back towards him.  He really did like that exterminator's outfit she always wore.  

            She didn't go far.  In fact, Sango rarely did.  Miroku knew that she thought her nightly outings were a secret, and so took care to let her believe that she was never watched.  He had been a little worried about the demon exterminator when he had first realized that she would leave camp, but as long as he could see her silhouette against the moonlight, he would sleep (albeit lightly) in peace.  He accepted and understood the fact that she, more than the others, needed time to think about the various changes in her life.  Inuyasha usually sat in a nearby tree to think about the shards, Naraku, and becoming a full demon.  Not to mention the fact that Kagome-sama and Kikyo gave him plenty to occupy his mind on quiet nights.  Kagome-sama usually took long spring baths to think about – well – similar things as Inuyasha.  He himself was already accustomed to the Kazanaa in his hand; there was very little need for him to seek the solitude that Sango so desperately craved.  Of course, there were times when he desired to bathe alone, or take a walk to clear his mind of thoughts of a certain member in their little group…   Ah, but there was no need to lose sleep over that _yet_ tonight.  He spent enough time as it was reminding himself of the different reasons why he could not consider Sango as a serious heir-bearing candidate.   

What were they again?

Ah yes, now he remembered.

He could repeat this as one would a personal mantra.  It was not at all unlike his early recitations of the Eight – Fold Path, and the other teachings of the Buddha.  Although admittedly, these were slightly different in nature.

_'You are a baka who hides behind a hentai mask to avoid the pain of attachment_

_'You are a coward who fears his own destiny_

_'You cannot drag her into this curse_

_'You cannot put her in danger of any more emotional hurt_

_'You cannot tie her to a cursed man like yourself_

_'Even if you could convince her to bear your child (which you wouldn't even do in the first place because she deserves so much more) she would never agree to bind her life with yours…_

_'It doesn't matter if you love her…if she doesn't love you back'_

            He let out a small sigh of relief after reminding himself of these things.  In a sense it was comforting to know that he was looking out for her best interests.  It didn't matter that she held him in contempt.  'No matter what her opinion of me, she will not be hurt by my hands – and I'll do my best to keep her from harm.  She must not hurt anymore.'

            He took a brief peek at the little hill that she was positioned on to reassure himself, and upon seeing her safe, he settled down a bit to enjoy a light nap until she returned.  His eyes were already closed by the time she got up in a frustrated huff and walked towards the woods.  

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            Sango had begun to half walk/run through the woods.  She was just frustrated and sad about…everything.  Nothing was right was it?  Nobody in their group was happy about anything, Naraku would probably kill them all sooner or later, and neither her, Kagome, Inuyasha, or even Miroku would have found peace or happiness… or… 

Love

_'Kuso!'__  her mind screamed as she broke into a sprint.  Branches and bushes whipped at her in every direction, but she neither noticed nor cared.  She didn't hear Kirara padding next to her, didn't notice the way her hiraikotsu hit the backs of her legs as she ran, didn't feel the tears flood from her cheeks nor the angry and frustrated scream well up inside of her, forcing its way out of her lips.  But most of all, she didn't notice that she was being followed._

            Kirara however was not so distracted.  She was disturbed and troubled by her friend's state of mind, but she was still aware of her surroundings, and tried to alert Sango of the youkai's presence by a series of growls – all of which Sango was oblivious to.  In fact, she never even noticed that anything was wrong until she was forcibly shoved from the surprise attack by the fire-cat.

            The already transformed Kirara side-stepped into her master, knocking her away from the huge amount of sticky web that was launched in their direction from behind.  She stood protectively in front of Sango even though she herself was covered in the white mass.  Sango groggily rose, tears still damp on her cheek from only moments before.

_'a spider- youkai!?'_

            Immediately, images unbidden sprang to mind.  Of her father, the other village exterminators, and… Kohaku.  Why hadn't she noticed that this thing had been following her! And for hours too.  Had she been so distracted by her own self pity that she hadn't even been aware of a youkai hunting her down?  What exactly was going on here?

            There was barely any time left to think before the spider-youkai began a second attack.  By this point, Kirara had freed herself from the web of the first attack, and rose to aid Sango in her attempt to bring down the youkai.  As a reflex, Sango fell into her fighter's stance.  But as she reached for her hiraikotsu, she was frozen with – fear?

            Yes, it was fear.  What she was looking at now reminded her too much of the monster she had "destroyed" all too easily only two years before.  Her brother had been fighting at her side.  It was that night that her old life ended.  It was that night that she discovered what pain was.  She couldn't move.  Even when the youkai approached, and she saw Kirara launch herself at the spider's neck, she remained immobile.  Her eyes stared ahead of her, wide, unseeing, and dark as memories from her past froze her legs.  'It looks so much like it did two years ago…'

            It was her last thought before she was charged by the spider-youkai.  It thrashed its huge head into her side, throwing her into the air nearly 10 feet high, and tearing deep into her side with its lower fang.  She didn't feel any pain - because at that moment, she wasn't really there at all. She was in front of a palace, watching her family and friends get slaughtered by the one she loved the most.  Her brother Kohaku.  It all replayed in her mind down to the last detail.  She could see each and every link in the chain attached to her brother's weapon as it whipped around the group of fighters in its deadly purpose.  She saw the moonlight glinting eerily off the edge of her brother's blade, which was now dripping with her kinsman's blood.  She felt herself flying through the air, but it didn't register in her mind that pain was to come.  It didn't matter really.  Not anymore.

            Before she blacked out entirely, her eyes fell upon a single figure against the blackness of the trees behind him.  She saw rather than heard him scream something as her body made forcible contact with the ground.  She noticed, but barely understood, the look of pain and sorrow written on his face as her lips weakly whispered one final word before the world turned to blackness, and even memories were no longer real.

_"Miroku…"_

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Gomen minna-san!  I didn't put in the fluff like I promised, but it's getting late, and I thought that this might be a rather evil place to stop, ne?  This time for real, there will DEFINITELY be fluffy goodness in the next chapter.

Daijoubu?  Is everything alright?  Work with me here people!  I'm paranoid!  I've barely ever written before.  Am I doing this right?  Gaaahh  Review and let me know!  Even a single reviewer can make this sad little fic writer a very happy person.  Was the length alright this time?  I know it was too short last time…

Mrrr – I'm rambling.  Ah well.  I'll stop begging for reviews now and save what little pride I have left.

Arigato!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer:  Nah, I still don't own Inuyasha or the rest of the gang…YET.  (They all belong to the wonderful Rumiko Takahashi)  But you know what I DO own?!?!?  The Inuyahsa DVDs!!!  I now have up to episode 102.  Go buy them too!! They're great ^_^

Authors note:  OK minna-san.  Prepare yourselves.  I THINK that this will be the chapter with the fluff in it.  If not, well… it's coming.  I don't even know.  Haha.  Lets hope that I can even write fluff… ah well, we'll find out, ne?  I'm also going to try to make this chapter longer, and perhaps space it a bit differently to look more like what often appears on ff.net.  Again, reviews have inspired me no end.  I love you all so much for taking the time to read and get back to me! Thanks SO much!

On to the fic!!

The Reality of Things

Chapter 3

            Miroku shot up from his light slumber, his breath coming in short gasps, and cold sweat beading on his forehead.  He discovered that a word had formed on his lips before he was even aware of speaking.

            _'Sango'_

            It did not take him very long to recall his dream.

            'What' he asked himself, 'was _that_'

            He had been dozing and thinking of certain demon exterminator in a certain tight – fitting outfit, when a strange wave of unease passed over him.  It was so strong that even in his dream state he felt nauseous with dread.  Images flashed in his mind of a large, dark figure…with fangs… and a lot of legs.  He briefly registered that this was a spider youkai.  He then saw another form in his vision - one that he knew well.  

            She was tall and slender against the tall trees, and he watched in horror as he saw the youkai creep up behind her.  Why didn't she see?  Why was she not moving?  Another image was offered to him.  He saw Sango, her body bloody and broken in the woods.  This picture was crystal clear, holding a kind of sharpness that only a vision can have.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

            Miroku took a deep breath in to steady his quaking body.  He was trying very hard at the moment to tell himself that what he had seen was only a dream born of his own fear of Sango getting injured.  Or killed.

            In an attempt to discount what had just happened, he looked around the camp to see if she had returned while he slept.  Instead, he saw two empty sleeping bags (Kagome had brought an extra one for Sango a few days ago), one of which Shippou was curled up on the end of, and a rather large and rather deep Inuyasha – shaped hole in the ground.  Apparently, Miroku told himself, he had not awoken to the loud "SIT" that must have taken place not so long ago.  It was not surprising in the least that Miroku's senses had not been alerted, since "SIT" had long ago become a common sound in his ears.  A sound that he often missed when Kagome-sama was in her world.

            These pleasant thoughts were quickly pushed out of his mind by that new foreboding that had rooted itself in his heart.   His experience told him that he had been asleep for nearly an hour.  So why hadn't Sango returned?  Fear took hold of him.

            'I knew it.  A true premonition.  I may yet be wrong, but…I must look for her.  It was too real to ignore.'

            He rose from his bedding to hastily begin his search, but one look at the little kitsune warned him not to leave the little one to wake to an empty camp site.

            "Shippou…Shippou.  Wake up"

            The little fox yawned and streached.  "Is everyone up already? Miroku?"  Surprise was evident on his face as he looked into the houshi's face and saw the worry written upon it.  "Daijoubu?" he asked.

            "I'm not sure Shippou.  I need to find Sango-san.  Will you be kind enough to go find Inuyasha and Kagome-sama and bring them back here for me?"

            Shippou took up a serious stance as he bravely met Miroku's concerned gaze.  'This must be important if Miroku is so worried' he thought.  'But I am strong! I can carry out any task that he puts me to!'

            "Hai houshi-sama.  I'll go immediately.  You can count on me!"

            Miroku rose and watched as Shippou ran off in the direction that the scent took him.  He was relieved to have gotten the kitsune on task, but it had taken all of his priestly self control not to betray the huge amount of emotional turmoil that was raging inside of him.  He didn't know if Sango was even alive anymore.  Was his dream really a vision?  It might have been nothing.  But then, it might have been something.  

            He continued to think on this train of thought as he headed in the direction that his instinct told him was "Sango".   

            Was his dream showing what was to come, or what had already occurred?  Was he too late?  That thought caused him to unconsciously quicken his pace.  He had had visions before (he was, after all, a priest), however none had ever effected him so deeply.  None had been so horrifyingly graphic either.  He could see the emptiness of her eyes, and the speed at which the blood poured from her wound.  His dream had to have meant _something._  Even if it only served to prove to him again the depth of his love for her.

            His romantic thoughts aside, the uneasiness hit him in waves, growing stronger by the minute.  He began to run.  Faster and faster, hoping against hope that he culd somehow catch up to Sango before it was too late.  This feeling.  He wasn't imagining it.  Sango was hurting dreadfully right now, and if he didn't find her soon, he thought he might just burst with the pain of not being able to help her.

            He ran for a long time, and the faster he ran, the worse the feeling became.  But he _knew_ that he was getting closer.  Suddenly he was literally hit with a vision of Sango simply staring a the youkai he had previously seen.  He staggered back with the change in his perception, but the moment in time that he had seen left as suddenly as it came.  However it left with him an even stronger feeling of dread than he felt before, which in turn, urged him on faster.

            Until he met with a sight that stopped him dead in his tracks.

            Miroku had arrived at the edge of the small clearing in which the spider-youkai and Sango met.  All he saw was the blank look in her eyes as her body flew through the air and landed with a sickening thud against the unrelenting ground.  He might have screamed her name into the night, but he couldn't be sure.  All he knew was that Sango's broken and bleeding form was lying on the ground, and if he didn't act fast…

            No, she would live.  There was no other alternative.  Simple as that.

            Rage filled the normally calm monk as he began to charge the spider-youkai.  He attacked the demon with his staff, slicing at every part of the monster's body that was open to him.  How could this have happened?  Sango was more than capable of taking on the youkai that stood before him.  It simply didn't make sense that she of all people was bested by such a weak demon.  How did it happen?  He would have to ask her if she pulled through.

            No.  When she pulled through, he corrected

            He dared to steal a brief look at her while there was a slight break in the combat.  She looked very pale, but very bloody.  He couldn't possibly tell from the distance at which he was positioned, however he was frantically searching for any signs that she was still breathing.  He felt some small relief at seeing Kirara standing guard over her master, watching her face and watching his battle alternately.

            Miroku felt a sudden jolt as that youkai took advantage of his momentary distraction, and launched a large amount of sticky web at him.  The force of the white mass knocked him several feet across the clearing, and he only stopped when his back slammed into a nearby tree.  He breathed heavily for a moment, trying to make the world around him stop spinning.  A determined look set itself upon his face.  

            'I will defeat this youkai.  There is no other way.  I must finish him quickly so that I can bring her to safety and have her wounds attended to.  She will not die simply because I will accept no other alternative!'

            And with that thought, he tore through web that was holding him to the bark behind him.  If he wondered why it was so easy to do so, he never stopped in his attack to think about it.  Instead, he resumed his previous physical beating on the youkai.  He would reflect later that it probably would have been much more practical just to use his Kazanaa, however he was getting a certain satisfaction out of beating the thing that dared to hurt Sango to a pulp.  He would admit to himself (when he had much more evidence lying next to him as proof) that he was still a man, no matter what type of robes he wore.  And right now, his testosterone was commanding that youkai in front of him should _pay.   _

            In accordance with this new viewpoint, he rose himself into the air to swipe down at the spider with his staff.  He made a powerful downward strike, made contact, and landed a few feet away from the youkai.  His eyes opened wide in surprise when he saw the figure before him shift ever so slightly, and very quickly.  It was enough though, to show him exactly what it was in its true form.

            "Kuso!  A mood-shaping oni!" he cried.  "Well, that certainly explains quite a bit…"  Miroku now knew that this battle could not be ended with conventional weapons.  He yanked out several ofuda from his robes and threw them at the oni.  He did not even bother to watch it as it was reduced to mere dust.  He was already running towards Sango, concern and fear etched on his features.  

            "Sango!"  'Sango, please live, please Sango…be alright…'

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            Kirara was more than concerned for her master at the moment.  Though a cat, she was still very intelligent, and knew that Sango's injuries would hardly be cured in a single day.  She watched as the monk came running to her friend's side, and fell to his knees in front of her prone form.   She was not overly happy that the houshi was alone with her master when she was so obviously incapable of slapping him as he normally deserved.  She wasn't overly concerned though.  She was watching her master, albeit from a few feet away, but she knew that she was able to punish the houshi if he went too far.

            She was also oddly comforted that it had been the monk who had come after her friend.  She knew the others loved her master dearly, but she had never seen _them _look at Sango when they thought nobody was looking, as the monk had.  And it was something other and more than the hentai act that he always put on.  She knew her master well, and had been with her since she was a young girl.  There was certainly a strong bond between Sango and this monk Miroku, of that she was sure.  She had never seen her master act in such a flustered way around any man before.  It must certainly mean something.  It didn't really matter.  To put it in simple terms, she knew that her master trusted this man with her life and more, therefore she would trust him as well.

            Kirara didn't stir when she heard the monk say in a chocked voice, "I'm sorry Sango…please.  I should have come after you sooner.  Please pull through.  Be strong."  She did not even mind when she saw him place a tender kiss on the unconscious woman's forehead.   

            "And please Sango, forgive me for what I am about to do…"

            Kirara did not quite understand at first, but then emitted a low warning growl as Miroku first tore open Sango's suit at the middle, and then removed his outer robe as well.  What was this?  Was he going to?  No, he could not be so inconsiderate.  Could he?

            Reading the fire-cat's thoughts, he tried to calm and reassure her.  "Maa, maa.  I was merely going to use my robe as a bandage to staunch the flow of blood.  No hentai actions, I promise.  No worries."  She nearly missed his soon whispered, "I am not so dishonorable as _that."_

            Miroku assessed the damage done to Sango's body.  He estimated that aside from the gash in her torso, she had probably contracted several broken or bruised ribs, and her ankle looked like it was twisted in a painful direction.  She would be in bed for quite some time, but he had to get her away from here and to safety.  He finished his task by wrapping her in his robe to protect her decency as well as cover her wound.

            He turned to Kirara and asked respectfully, "Please, would you be so kind as to take us back to camp?  And then perhaps further on to Kaede-sama's village?  I would carry Sango myself, but I'm afraid that if I carry her on her back, she will just be injured further."

            Kirara answered in the only way available to her.  She quickly kneeled down to accept him onto her back.  He gently put Sango on her back first and then climed on himself.  When she felt that they had settled down, she rose quickly into the night sky, heading in the direction of the camp.

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            Miroku was infinitely tender as he positioned her on his lap.  Her body was draped across his legs; her head nestled in the crook between his neck and right shoulder.  Her wounded side was facing away from him, so he wrapped his left arm around her slim waist and applied slight pressure to the gash right above her hip.

            He stared at her in wonderment, as if seeing her for the fist time.  He had never noticed how small and slight she was.  She looked so breakable!  How was it possible to have such a small body that contains so much power?  He marveled at the fact that he could wrap his pinkie finger and thumb around her wrist easily.  Has she been eating lately?  Yes, he was sure she had.  This must simply be her body type right?  Amazing.  She was so strong, and yet in this position, she looked as if he could break her by one faulty moment.  

            He sighed, 'This contemplation has only given me more reasons to love her.  So strong.  Sango…_my_ Sango.'  He let his eyes wander across her body, finally resting upon his robe covering her.  He noticed that the blood was beginning to seep though the makeshift bandage.  His heart clenched at the sight.

            He began to fervently whisper a prayer into her ear.  He didn't even notice when this prayer melded into voiced pleas.  He begged her to get well, to hold on, to stay with him.  His actions betrayed the strength of his emotions for her when he began to place small kisses all over her face, as if willing the small cuts and bruises to leave her soft flesh.  He raised his head with a surprised expression when he felt her snuggle into him.

            He sighed and his lips formed a sad little smile.  'She would never let me do this if she were fully conscious.'  For a brief moment he regretted the act that he put on to keep her from him.  But only for a moment.  He knew that the arrangement that they had was for the best.  But…could he just enjoy this for now?  He may never get another chance to hold her.

                        Miroku watched in wonderment as Sango's brows furrowed in frustrated confusion when his face pulled away from hers.  He felt her hands tighten on what was left of his robes as she tried to pull him in closer.  Not wishing to ruin the moment or miss what might be his last chance to be close to Sango, he brought his hand up to gently pull her head back to his chest, where he bent and rested his cheek against hers.  She gradually settled back down, quietly slipping out of consciousness only moments before they landed at their destination.

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Bwuhaha – who just opened a pack of insti-fluff!  Just add water, ne?    Well, how'd you like it?  I had to re-write this story THREE WHOLE TIMES.  If you check out my profile, you'll find that yes, my computer hates me!  Gah.  Oh well.  I hope that this chapter was good, especially since I rewrote it three times!  mrrr  Please review and tell me how the fluff went.  I'm a little new at that too…  

Neoshipper – Thanks again for reviewing.  It's nice to know that there's actually someone there reading my stories!  And it wasn't a youkai after all was it?  I'll have to explain further in the next chapter…

Bao Blossom – Thanks SO much for your wonderful review!  I often wonder why I only have 8 reviews as well.  Eh, everyone's probably off reading a lemon or something.  Oh well.  But then its not the quantity but the quality right?  And I have to say, the reviews I've had so far have been so inspiring!  I literally read them and then start the next chapter.  If its more S/M you want, the more S/M you'll get.  I'm already cooking up some ideas form y next story.  (I'm going to take it one at a time so that I can keep my sanity.)  Anyhoo – now who's rambling?  ^_^  

Ja ne!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer:  I really really REALLY wish that I owned Inuyasha.  (Of course, we're all agreed that I have first dibs on Miroku if the subject ever comes up right?  OK, just as long as we're all clear on that…)  Rumiko Takahashi has the rights to these lovely characters.  I hope she ends this series well… or else… *cracks knuckles*  Mwuhaha

*inu potty mouth ahead

Author's Note:  Hmmm.  There are many directions in which I could take this fic.  I wonder…Actually I have o idea.  Your guess is as good as mine when it comes to this next chapter.  I have a feeling it'll be good, I just don't know what the heck it'll be about.  This chapter should be an adventure for us all.  Let's see where my strange imagination will take us today…

The Reality of Things

Chapter 4

            Sango slowly, and very painfully began to drag herself out of her unconscious state.  She suddenly became aware of an unfamiliar, but not at all unpleasant sensation covering her face.  Sensations rather, since she was conscious of multiple pressures across her temple and cheeks.  She felt warm and safe in this environment, and had no desire to move.  She was still painfully aware of the dreams that she felt pushing at the back of her mind.  The fact that these dreams were really memories only served to make their existence all the more painful.  For the moment though, she would focus on the feeling of _rightness_ that engulfed her.

            Some part of her wondered if she should open her eyes or not, simply to discover the source of these mysterious pressures.  She decided against it.  Much safer to just accept this temporary pleasure that was offered her as opposed to accidentally doing something to encourage its cessation.  And then just as abruptly as it had begun – it stopped.

            What was going on?  This wasn't right!  She didn't know what it was, but she wanted it back!  She felt strangely deprived of something that was rightfully hers.  She used what little energy she had remaining to pull herself nearer to the warmth that was so quickly drawing away from her.  She was completely unaware of the small grimace her face made as she did so.  Within this safety, she was not aware of pain, or of her own being.  Something inside her told her that this ignorance was a refuge for the moment.  She wanted more of this assurance…_now_.

            Ah, there it was.  Not quite the same fleeting caress as it had previously been, however it had now taken the form of a constant pressure against her cheek.  This would have to do, she told herself.  She didn't mind.  She also didn't really have enough energy to encourage the attentions anymore.  She slowly felt herself slip back into the nothingness of before.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

            As they landed, Miroku spied his companions seated calmly on the remains of their campsite, awaiting his arrival.  He saw Kagome get up from her place beside Inuyasha as she used her free hand to wave to him with a smile on her face.

            Her free hand?  Her right hand was free because her left was…

            Held in Inuyasha's?

            This truly was a world gone mad.  Miroku didn't really have time to try to figure out what had happened since he had been off saving Sango.  He was confused, but he quickly refocused his thoughts on the limp girl in his lap.  As Kirara landed, he noticed that Sango had begun to tense up, as well as feel warmer to the touch than she had before.  He didn't have long to consider this new development before he was interrupted.

            "Houshi-sama!"  Kagome cried happily.  And then he heard from the worried tone in her voice that she had noticed what was lying in his arms.  _"Sango-chan!"_

            "Daijoubu" he answered.  "She is alive, but I am going with her to Kaede-sama's village just in case.  She at least needs a lot of rest.  Follow when you can.  Oh, and Inuyasha?"

            "Hai?"  Inuyasha answered, apparently unaware that his clasped hand was entirely in the monk's view.  Perhaps he simply didn't care.  He was still holding her hand.  Tighter, in fact, in response to her tenseness at seeing her friend so hurt.  Shippou looked up worriedly at Miroku from between the two of them.

            "Please go back to the forest and retrieve Sango's hiraikotsu.  I was unable to bring it back with me under the circumstances.  You can follow the scent.  I'm sure it's strong enough."

            "Would you like any help with Sango-chan?" Kagome inquired tentatively.  

            _"No!" was Miroku's sharp reply.  He heard the sharp tone of his own voice, and rephrased slightly.  "No, thank you Kagome-sama.  I will be fine with Sango-san in my care.  Please hurry back to the hut as soon as possible."_

            And with that, Kirara took the hint, and rose again into the night, in the direction of the aged miko's hut.  Miroku did not even bother to look behind him at the stunned and worried faces of his companions.  He was too busy focusing on this new fever-like symptom of Sango's.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

            The small group left back at the campsite watched as Miroku headed for the village.  They were actually very close to it, however Kagome had insisted they stop before they reached it, thinking privately that it would be easier to sneak back home out in an open area, rather than try to step over people in the hut.  There was no chance that she would have succeeded; Inuyasha would have been sure to hear such movement.  She had a better chance out in the open.

            Better than no chance doesn't actually amount to much at all.  

            He found her after all.  They went through the usual "Bitch"- "I'm going" – "No, you're not" – "Yes I am".  It ended with the usual "sit" command from her, buying her enough time to get home.  He followed her this time, demanding to know why she had gone home.  So she told him the truth.

            She couldn't miss her date with Hojo.  

            Oh, he hadn't liked that at _all_.  Kagome laughed silently to herself as she, Inuyasha, and Shippou turned to head into the forest.  One thing had lead to another, and though it had not gone quite according to plan, she had achieved the desired result.  He was still a little skittish around her, but he was still holding her hand.  That had to be a good sign right?

            "Hey Inuyasha?"  Shippou asked.

            "Yeh, what is it runt?"

            "I guess you got pretty far with Kagome, huh?  I mean, the last time I asked you about her at the hot spring, you got all mad at me.  And now you're holding her hand out in the open.  What happened at Kagome's world anyway?  It had to be something preeetty big if you smell like her and she smells like yo-  Itai!! OUCH"

            Inuyasha had been doing a slow burn throughout Shippou's little observation, and he finally cut the kitsune off with a large whack on the head when he couldn't take it anymore.  

            Shippou looked up with a pout on his face.  He saw Kagome blushing furiously.  Inuyasha threw her hand away and stomped off further into the woods.  At that, he watched as Kagome's expression turned from a look of shock, hurt, and gradual understanding, slowly melt into one of determination.  She left Shippou flat on his butt with a bump on his head as she resolutely followed Inuyasha.

            Not a word passed between them as Kagome grabbed his hand and held it in hers one more time, as if it rightfully belonged there.  A look of understanding and thanks was exchanged between the two as they completely forgot about Shippou behind them.  He trailed behind, suspiciously watching the figures in front of him.  He was deep in thought.  Big people were really confusing.

            The little group walked on in silence, with Shippou still hanging back.  He should be happy about what he was seeing.  In fact, he could not have wished for a better scenario.  However he couldn't shake this strange, sneaking feeling of foreboding that nagged at him.  Inuyasha was blissfully unaware of whatever it was, so Shippou tried to ignore it.

            When they reached the clearing, Inuyasha gave Kagome's hand a quick squeeze before dropping it to walk towards the hiraikotsu.  A hazy mist had fallen around the area, quickly forming into a light sprinkle.  Kagome turned her face up to the shower, a smile forming on her face.  All was well.

            No, all was _not_ well.  Sango was dangerously injured.  They should get back to the village soon.  She called to Inuyasha, trying to hurry him slightly.  He only smiled and continued at the same pace that he had originally started walking at, missing the worried undertone of her voice.  Miroku was truly worried.  She had always known that they had cared about one another deeply, but she had never been absolutely sure of his intensions.  She had little doubt of him now, after seeing him as concerned as he was.  That was good.  Sango would be happy, as she deserved.  She had gone through too much already to be denied what happiness the monk could offer her.  Kagome wondered what had happened in this clearing only a short time ago.  Miroku had neglected to tell them in his rush to get to Kaede's.  The young miko closed her eyes for a moment in an attempt to envision what might have happed, when she suddenly began to feel faint, and jerked her eyes back open to orient herself.

            The girl barely saw her friends around her as she began to feel dizzy and nauseous.  What was going on?  What exactly _had happened to Sango?  Why did she feel so awful?  She saw brief flashes of her most horrifying moments; her various captures, the demons…Naraku…the death of her father…Inuyasha's decent into hell…_

            The ground began to sway and shift as all the world became darkness around her.  There was an indistinct scream of her name as her legs collapsed from under her, and she saw no more.  The soft rain turned to a downpour upon her small, vulnerable body.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

            Miroku, in his haste, nearly stumbled into the hut of the old miko.  Sango was growing ever warmer, and he did not know how to help her.  Especially not when the rain had begun to pour down upon them.  His worried eyes made contact with the single functional eye of Kaede.  

            "Onegai, help…" he gasped out.  He was drenched.  His robes hung clinging, heavy and dark on his tired body.  Between fighting with the oni and emotional strain, his energy was absolutely spent.  Kaede recognized this, and quickly began to prepare a futon for both the monk and the young girl.

            "Come ye here houshi-sama.  It will not do to hold Sango until you pass out" Kaede instructed.

            "Arigato" he answered, while placing the feverish girl on the futon by the fire.  As he kneeled beside her, he watched as the fire caused strange shadows to pass across her beautiful features, making her look even more drawn and haggard than she was.  He realized that he was being watched after a moment, and pulled himself away from the sight in front of him.  

            At Kaede's insistence, he conceded to turn his back on the poor broken body of Sango as he related the story as it had happened.  He described what had happened from the moment he had awoken in a cold sweat to the time that he arrived at her door.  

            "Come, ye can turn now child" Kaede said, noting that the houshi had dropped even the joking hentai expression that he often assumed when any of the girls were being treated for slight wounds, but had nonetheless required the removal of some article of clothing.  'He must realize how serious this really is' she thought.

            Miroku tuned to see a semi – bandaged, but covered Sango lying motionlessly on the floor.  She was frowning, and a slight sweat had broken upon her brow.  Even with his back turned while he told his tale, he noticed that the old woman had had some difficulty with Sango.  For some reason, she was very tense and it was making it hard for Kaede to attend to her wounds.  Sango had not been so feverish before.  What had caused this change?  It could not be infection, since the wound had been seen to immediately.  He had made sure of that.  Could it be something more?

            He tried to speak as he watched Keade return to the larger wound at the girl's side, but for once, the words would not come.  The miko recognized this, as well as his uncharacteristic restlessness at not being able to help her.

            "Come child, I am getting old.  Finish cleaning Sango's injury."  At seeing his wary look she said, "I am sure that she will spare you just this once.  Go ahead boy, and then we shall pray."

            He slowly reached for the damp cloth and herbs that she had been using, and gently applied cool water from a bowl at hand to the gash.  "Keade-sama, I am afraid that since…" he trailed off, his eye suddenly caught by the now darkening bruises across Sango's middle.  Kaede sighed, shook her head, and gave him a light bop on his shoulder to bring him back to his train of thought.  He shook himself slightly as that and said, "I am afraid that since the oni was a mood-shaper, that this may be something more than just a few broken bones and loss of blood."

            "Aye houshi-sama.  Did I not also say that we would pray?  Come now.  Finish what ye started so that we may get to the saving of Sango."

            He gave a short nod of assent to this, and completed the task at hand quickly, though no less gently than he had begun.  He put the cloth down and turned just in time to see a very soaked and very pissed Inuyasha force his way though the doorway with the hiraikotsu on his back, and a sick looking Kagome cradled limply on his arms.  He began to growl as soon as he was inside.

            "What the _fuck_ is going on?"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Gah – well, that was an adventure.  This fic is certainly growing.  I really hadn't counted on a real plot.  It definitely surprised me!  I do need your input though.  Should I do a side story of what happened to Inuyasha and Kagome?  I purposely left it out of this chapter because it would have been even longer before I updated.  Mrrr  Gomen for not updating sooner.  Its just that I really didn't know here to take this…but I think I have it now.  It's just changed slightly from the simple fluff-fic I intended it to be.  Mmmm…plots are gooood.   *ahem.  Your reviews were wonderful AGAIN 

^_^ ^_^ ^_^  ^_^ ^_^

Bao Blossom:  Oh how you make me blush!  Thank you over and over again a million and one times.  You are by far my favorite and most helpful reviewer.  This story is what it is because of you.  And yes, you can mention my fic in yours.  I'm flattered that you even put me on your favorites list let alone put me in your stories!  By the way – I don't know if I ever told you, but I LOVED your story "Waiting for Your Heart"  Go S/M!!!  We need to strengthen our numbers ^_^ .  You're right, ff.net _is_ a co-dependant society…

Someone:  Thank you for reviewing.  I just wanted to let you know that I think you're e-mail address is awesome, and whoever thought it up must be a genius or hysterically funny…or both…

**I'm a little worried that this chapter wasn't quite up to par.  Please review to help me out!  And prepare yourself…I've got another pack o' insti-fluff in my back pocket just WAITING for me to write the next chapter.

Ja ne!


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer:  One of these days… they'll all be MINE.  Bwuhaha.  But that'll happen when pigs fly outta my ass… Ah well.  For now (and most likely forever) these characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and Vis.  Damndamndamndamndamn

Author's Note:  bleargh.  Writing is hard!  This was definitely not as easy as I thought.  BUT I'll keep working on this li'l story until it's finished…It should only be a couple more chapters.  After that – I think I may very well start another M/S story ^_^  I'm so glad that you guys like this fic!  It's my first after all, so I'm still very insecure even with all your wonderful reviews.  Teehee.  Keep em comin….

Ooo – and just to clear something up – in the last chapter, Kagome was NOT getting some of Sango's memories.  They were bad memories of her own (i.e. – Inuyasha being dragged into hell) that were brought to the surface because…well…just read this chapter.  I'm sorry if I wasn't clear enough while describing the scene, and I hope that the fact that Kagome had her own bad memories doesn't disappoint any readers.  mrrrrr   I'll definitely do better in this next chapter!

*feh – inu potty mouth warning

The Reality of Things

Chapter 5

            Miroku stared blankly ahead of him at Inuyasha and the girl in his arms.  Thoughts raced through his mind, trying to understand the connection between Kagome and Sango's illness.  They had both gone to the clearing…but Kagome did not have the same wounds as Sango, just the same look of unhealthiness.  She had not met with the oni as Sango had, so why was she unwell?  It was a mood – shaper.   That thought seemed to nag at the back of his mind.  There was something wrong about all this.

            Inuyasha was still panting in the doorway, exhausted from worry, panic, and just being plain pissed off.  He didn't like not understanding things, especially not when those "things" made Kagome faint for absolutely no reason.  He was soaked, Kagome was wet and shivering, even though she seemed to be burning with fever, and there was NO way that anyone around him was going to rest until he knew what the hell was going on around here.

            "Inuyasha"  Kaede said, "bring Kagome near the fire beside Sango.  I will have to change her out of her wet things.  Go on and sit in the corner with your backs turned until I instruct thee otherwise." Kaede gave a distracted wave of her hand in the direction of the corner in question as she scrutinized Kagome.  Miroku absentmindedly got up and sat in the corner with Inuyasha after the hanyou had placed Kagome in Kaede's care.  

            Miroku was thinking very hard.  He was sure that that thing was a mood – shaper.  He had sensed and seen it.  He understood that due to the power of the oni, Sango had probably experienced her worst memories over and over again, since that was the purpose of such oni.  They fed off of bad karma and unhappiness, taking the visual form of any of the worst memories of their prey.  It was not had for Miroku to guess what the mood-shaper had seen when it delved into her mind.  The spider youkai had been the demon her family was to exterminate when Kohaku had been possessed.  That would explain why she had been unable to fight.  She was too overcome with her past to focus on the present and defend herself.  Not that it would have worked even if she could.  A mood-shaper could only be defeated with holy seals and prayers.

            What _was_ this nagging feeling on his mind?

            He had defeated the oni.  He had sealed it right? So what…

            "Oi, bouzu."

            Miroku shook his head to clear himself momentarily from his thoughts.  "What is it Inuyasha?"

            "Kagome's all set up bouzu.  Go on and say some prayers or something.  Or whatever it is you monks do."

            Miroku sat up hazily and moved towards the two girls lying near the fire in the hut.  Realization was beginning to dawn on him as he looked at each girl in turn.

            He compared the two of them as he gazed.  Kagome looked flushed and ill, her breathing heavy and uneven.  Sango, well, Sango was much worse.  Her eyes were sunken in, she tossed and turned every few moments or so, and she was feverishly warm.  How was she so unwell when he had killed the oni?  Moreover, how was it that Kagome seemed to be suffering from a milder form of whatever illness that Sango was suffering from?  He looked around the hut, searching for the answer.  He saw Shippou and Kirara huddled in a corner, worried expressions on their faces.  Inuyasha was ever moving closer to Kagome, wanting to help but painfully ignorant of how to do so.  Kaede on her knees, ready to aid him in any endeavor he might suggest.  He thought back to the fight.  He had thrown the ofuda, the oni disintegrated, and then…and then…

            _"Kuso!"_  Miroku cursed rather loudly.  Everyone in the hut, with the exception of the two sick girls, had jumped at the sudden exclamation.  They watched as Miroku sunk to his knees in front of Sango, and hold his head in his hands.  He was softly mumbling to himself.  Words that only youkai ears could hear.  

            Inuyasha listened, stunned at what the monk was saying.  "It's all my fault, all of it.  I didn't say it… I've never forgotten before, but I did this time, when it turned out that it was the most important.  Why didn't I say it?  What stopped me?  I was too distracted…too overcome with fear.  I was careless, and now she suffers, for my own irresponsibility…"

            "Oi, monk.  What didn't you say?  I thought you saved Sango.  What really happened?"  Inuyasha asked.

            Miroku raised his head slowly, looking straight ahead of him at the wall.  His face was set in a hard, unreadable expression.  "I didn't say the prayer."

            Inuyasha stared blankly at him.  "Nani?"

            "The prayer, to seal the oni – to put it to rest and make sure that it never disturbs anyone again.  The ofudas defeat the physical form of the oni, but the prayers that I say are not empty.  They calm the monster's spirit.  It is a necessary step, and my duty as a servant of Buddha.  Therefore, Sango and Kagome's present conditions are entirely my fault. I was too busy wondering if Sango was still alive to complete the normal ritual…"

            "Miroku - dono, you should not blame yourself.  Ye were merely concerned over your…companion.  It is not your fault.  There is still hope that they will both come out of this sickness without any negative side-effects" Kaede soothed.  

            Inuyasha gave a nearly inaudible growl.  "I still don't understand bouzu.  It was an oni.  You killed it.  It should have ended there.  Why are they sick? _And" he said pointedly, "if I didn't say it clearly enough a few minutes ago; what the _fuck_ is going on!"  His voice had risen drastically by the time he had finished speaking.  Even though his frustration was focused on the monk for the moment, Miroku seemed hardly to notice.  _

            "Let me put it this way Inuyasha.  The spider-youkai that I fought was not the oni's true form.  It was the form that it took on after following Sango-san and reading her thoughts.  Its – how should I put this – its essence is what Sango-san and Kagome-sama are suffering from at the moment.  This essence is what encourages the bad karma inside of its subject to increase, therefore giving the oni more to feed off of."

            "_Feed off of!?  Feh!  How the hell…" Here, Miroku cut Inuyasha off._

            "Yes, feed off of.  That is what a mood –shaper does.  It gains strength from human insecurities.  Which is why neither you, nor Shippou, nor Kirara were affected by it.  In your hanyou form, the youkai half of you protected your human half."

            "But the oni was already dead!"  Shippou asserted.

            "Yes, but to a sensitive miko like Kagome, the essence could still have a mild affect on her.  Which is what we're seeing now.  Sango-san on the other hand…" he trailed off.  "Sango-san was the oni's main target, and therefore it was more focused on her.  It also managed to injure her, allowing it to reach her more directly through her blood stream.  Had I said the prayer, Sango-san might only be injured physically instead of emotionally as well."

            Miroku looked sadly down at Sango's face.  It was creased with frustration and confusion, with a touch of fear.  He would never deserve her now.  Not after he had caused her even further pain.

            "Miroku – dono.  I believe it is time that we began to expel the oni's presence."  Kaede tentatively suggested.  She was worried by the sad look that the houshi was giving the taiji-ya.

            "Hai."

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

            Kagome didn't know what was going on.  She had felt the odd sensation of being held and moving swiftly.  But whenever that happened, she was always on Inuyasha's back.  Right now she was being held bridal style.  And then suddenly she was aware of being cold, and wet, and at the same time mysteriously warm but ill at ease.  

            She then knew no more of reality.  She, like Sango, was existing elsewhere.  Naraku became a vague appearance in these vision-like nightmares, a constant nagging worry.  She saw herself being chased by the centipede youkai, and feeling a new kind fear, since at the time her life had never before been in danger.  

            But all of these troublesome memories paled in comparison when she replayed the experience of Inuyasha and Kikyou.  She barely thought about the time that he chose a dead woman over herself.  That had been disturbing, but at least she knew that Inuyasha would be happy.  Instead, her subconscious focused on an earlier event.  The time that Inuyasha had come within a hairsbreadth of being dragged into hell.  

            That had affected her deeply.  More so than she would ever admit.  She would often awake after nightmares of watching the one she loved throw away his life senselessly.  She had felt so powerless to stop him.  He was under a stronger miko's spell, as was she.  But it hardly helped that he was so obviously in love with her.  What were her fears?  That Inuyasha would die, that she wouldn't even have a chance to try to prevent it.  She wasn't so jealous of Kikyou as she was her power over Inuyasha.  The idea that the dead miko could simply call to him and get him to give his life for her – to join her in hell – was an idea that caused poor Kagome many sleepless nights.  She hated that she might never get to be with Inuyasha the way she wanted to be, but she was appalled that he might toss his life away as if it had no meaning.

            These thoughts were filling her with self doubt.  She no longer remembered all the times that Inuyasha came back for her, protected her, worried over her, and cared for her.  None of that was her reality anymore.  She was lost in a world of darkness and despair, and she couldn't find a way out…

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

            Miroku positioned himself between Kagome and Sango, and began to quietly chant.  Keade joined him on the other side of the fire.  They chanted and prayed long into the night, the rain still pattering on the roof of the hut.  Inuyasha sat sullenly against the wall, never taking his eyes off of Kagome's form.  He was startled when he suddenly heard a break in the chanting, and heard Miroku call to him.

            "Inuyasha."

            "What is it bouzu"

            "I need you to hold Kagome's hand."  Miroku said quietly.

            "Nani?" Inuyasha was slightly embarrassed at this suggestion at first.  But then remembered certain occurrences on the other side of the well…and put aside his embarrassment with a small cough.  "Umm, why?  What do I need to do?"

            "Just hold her hand and be with her.  Perhaps talk to her about a very happy memory the two of you share" Miroku said with only a suggestive lilt to his voice.  "The oni draws on bad karma and bad memories.  If she is aware of your presence at any moment, or aware of happy memories, the fever will be much more likely to leave her body."

            "Alright" Inuyasha said warily.  He slowly shifted over closer to Kagome, and clumsily, but tenderly, took her sweating palm in his.  "Uhhh"

            "Talk to her" Miroku commanded.  "Don't worry, I'm not listening, and Kaede is too deep in prayer to care."

            "Fine bouzu.  But just wait until you can't put off doing this any longer for Sango" he grumbled.

            "That time will come soon enough.  I am running out of prayers…and she is not responding as I would wish.  When I do…help her… I can only hope that you will show me the same courtesy that I am showing you.  Kagome is doing much better, but I think she needs an extra push that only you can give her."

            "Sure monk" Inuyasha grumbled a little more (just for good measure) and leaned closer to Kagome's ear.

            "Um, hey Kagome.  I'm supposed to talk to you about happy memories right?  Well, uh, all I can really think of right now is when you were sick, and you drank the medicine I made for you.  And when I fell asleep on your bed, and you let me stay.  And, I remember when you told me that you wanted to stay with me.  I really like that one Kagome…  And then I guess," he coughed a bit to clear his throat a little, and stole a furtive glance at the monk, "there's always our most recent memory together.  When I went to your world, and I got mad at that Hobo kid – and then you got mad – and I got madder – and you sat me again…" He trailed off, giving a little smile at the memory.  "right on top of you.  You're really pretty when you blush, ya know that Kagome?  Well then, we just talked… and you somehow managed to get me to blurt out that I really liked you.  And _then_ – here's the best part Kagome – you said," he took a deep breath, "you said that you really liked me too.  Just the way I am.  I – I've never met anyone like you Kagome.  You make me so happy.  I promise that I will always protect you, and I swear, I'll find some way to be with you and never leave you…"

            Miroku raised an eyebrow as he cracked his left eye to look at the pair across from him.  He didn't know what the hanyou was saying, but whatever it was, was making him blush furiously, and making Kagome squeeze her eyes shut in an attempt to appear unconscious still.  Inuyasha was so wrapped up in his little speech that he hadn't noticed that Kagome had awoken shortly after he had finished speaking with Miroku.  The houshi suspected that she was enjoying every minute of this, judging by the little smile she was trying her hardest to suppress.

            He sighed.  Kagome was well.  That was good.  Now he would have to focus even more on Sango.  Not that he really minded, but he was aware that the essence of the oni had probably affected him in a similar way as Kagome.  His training as a monk had prevented any physical reaction to it, but he could feel a certain darkness creeping over him minute by minute.  He would have to concentrate hard on Sango to help her regain her good karma.

            He looked over at Kaede and saw that she was very tired.  He often forgot how old the miko was, and how exhausted they must all make her.  It also wouldn't hurt to have a little privacy with Sango if he were going to help her as he should.  "Kaede – sama.  Onegai.  I will stay up.  I think that you and the rest should sleep.  I am not tired anyway."

            "Hai Miroku – dono.  I shall, but only because I believe that in the end it is best to let you and Sango heal each other rather than get others involved.  And the dark circles under your eyes betray you houshi – sama.  Ye are just as tired as I, if not more so.  I will get me to bed, and make sure that the rest do not disturb you in your… healing."  She chuckled slightly at herself, despite the ominous mood in the hut.  She knew that all would be well.  These young people were strong.  They would survive.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

            Miroku yawned.  He really was exhausted.  His voice was nearly gone from the hours of prayer, and his limbs ached from the sitting stance he was obliged to hold.  Sango was looking slightly better, but the oni had harmed her deeply.  He sighed.  There was nothing for it.  He recalled that she had, for some reason unknown to him, enjoyed the closeness they had shared on Kirara's back.  He steeled his resolve and moved towards Sango.

            She was a dead weight in his arms, but easier to position in his lap than she had been before.  She fit easier against him – if that made any sense.  This closeness was becoming familiar between them.  He sighed again as he looked at her.  Her eyes were closed and her brow was still furrowed from frustrating memories.  Her chest rose and fell with the deep, gasping breaths the fever was forcing her to take.  She seemed calmer in his arms though.  An idea that made him smile despite her condition.  Even as sick as she was, she was still able to stop his heart with her beauty and strength.  Most would have died from the injuries that she had sustained.  But not Sango.  

            She was the strongest person he had ever known, and he was always amazed at how she still managed to go on, even after she had been hurt so deeply.  His little curse was nothing to what she had to go through every day.  Sure, he knew his death was coming, but everyone dies sometime.  They even die young.  But poor Sango.  There was a constant battle inside her.  He knew that she sometimes felt that she should leave the group, and he knew that she was constantly faced with the possibility that she may have to take her dear brothers life at any time.  He shook his head.  This would not do.  The oni had influence on his emotions as well.  He began to whisper in her ear.

            "Sango - san…Sango.  I told Inuyasha to talk to Kagome about wonderful memories between them.  Do we have any of those Sango?  I'm sure we do.  I grope you at times, yes, but that is…all a joke.  I'm sorry to admit it, since it isn't funny at all.  I do it to keep you away Sango.  You shouldn't be hurt, especially not by me.  Not I, who…"  This next part would be tough.  But she was still unconscious right?  And, his feelings for her, although so obviously unrequited, were still somehow a happy thought for him.  Maybe she would be able to feel the strength of his love for her, and that strength would chase away the dark thoughts.  He leaned closer to her, his mouth only an inch away from her own.  He took a deep breath, and spoke. 

            "You should not be hurt by me Sango, since I am the one who loves you the most" he whispered.  He then bent his head and kissed her full on the lips, never noticing that her eyes had snapped open at his last statement.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Heh, I never knew that cliffies were so satisfying.  Who knew?  Gomen minna-san.  I'm worried about my computer since I was caught up in the "blackout 2003"  HA  What a joke _that _is.  I was however divided from my computer for too long.  So here I am – and I hope that you are enjoying this fic.  Cause I'm spending a lot of time on it!  I should really be spending my time on my summer assignment…but when does _that_ ever get done in the summer?

dothemonkey12:  =  what with?

BaoBlossom:  Keh, no problem.  I've only read a couple of your fics so far…but I wanna get through most/all of them and leave a trail of reviews.  It's the least I could do for such a supportive reviewer.  This fic DEF would have crapped out a long time ago if it hadn't been for you.  ^_^  and btw – I love Kenshin too!! Ororororo!!  What fics are you having writers block with?  Can I help at all?

REVIEW  onegai!!!  Help a sad little fic writer and make their life a wee bit brighter (now that's just pathetic…but oh well – I kissed my pride goodbye a long time ago)

**** note**** this chappie is dedicated to a dear friend of mine.  They surely know who they are.  Look for the silver lining, ne?  Thanks for always being there for me – I'll do my best to reciprocate always…

Ja ne!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer:  I still don't own Inuyahsa.  I'll be going to counseling tomorrow to come to terms with this fact.

Author's Note:  I think that, sadly, this will be the last chapter of my first fic!  It makes me a little depressed to be honest.  Oh well.  This last chapter was actually kind of frustrating to write.  I hado to keep everything logical (since I'm a logical kinda person ^_~) and yet at the same time make it fluffy.  GAH.  I hope I succeeded.  Review and tell me please!!  Also, keep an eye out for a one-shot M/S story that I'll be writing in a couple of days.  If you liked this story, then I'm pretty sure that you'll enjoy the next one ^_^

The Reality of Things

Chapter 6

            Memories, dreams, nightmares, all of them were molded into one.  She could barely define the beginning and end of each thought as it raced through her mind in an unending cycle of torment in her tired brain.  At first, there had been only one moment in time that had replayed in her mind…the death of her companions and father by the hand of her brother.  But then the warmth had come, and she had found a brief respite from the gnawing cold and darkness that she felt growing inside of her.  The comforting presence left her all too soon; for at the moment of its departure, the darkness had closed in on her again.  There was a feeling deep in the pit of her stomach that screamed at her, telling her to awaken.  But she couldn't.  She had no desire to, not after the memories that she was being forced to relive. She was dying on the inside.  The pain she felt from these memories was acute, the emotional and physical trauma sharpened by the insidious residue of the oni, causing it to multiply, until she could no longer distinguish that she was, indeed, in a world that did not exist – except for in her own mind.

            The memories began with the death of her mother.  She didn't understand why her mother had never returned to her, or why, in her place, a brother appeared in her life.  She had been too young to realize that her mother would never come back to her, and so she also did not understand why her father seemed incapable of holding her brother, or showing him the same acceptance that she had always known from him.  She was too innocent to know that her father, deep down inside of him, blamed her brother for end of her mother's life.  When she did become old enough to understand, she also saw the weakness in her own father as well.  She had trained to become the best exterminator that she could be, simply because she had no other outlet for her anger.  Through her training, and through her observations of her father and brother, she felt the ever growing frustration and anger inside her when she saw her brother try so hard to earn the respect of their father.  She knew that even though her father loved them both, there was still a part of him that ached every time he looked at his son.  It was the same part that blamed himself for his wife's death, even though it was unwarranted.

            Sango hated these memories.  She had always preferred to hold on to the times where she and her brother were peaceful together.  In her now dream state, she was forced to confront her worst fears about her sibling.  She was incapable of remembering the beautiful times that she and her brother had shared with family, with Kirara, with the village.  How they would play in the meadows and fields surrounding their home.  Instead she could only ask herself the questions that she so often tried to push out of her mind.  Would she have to kill him? Would he die?  Would he ever return to being the same care-free boy that he once was?  Who will remove the shard from his back?  If he even lives long enough after it is taken out, will she even be near to tend him?  Would she be able to live if he died?

            Would she ever be happy again?

            _'No' her mind screamed.  There was no way that she would ever be as happy as she once was.  With the spread of the oni's bad influence burning through her blood, her thoughts were dark.  How could she ever be happy again? She thought bitterly.  Her life had been stolen from her though her body still lived._

            _Naraku_

            That was it.  The beginning and the end.  Naraku just about summed up her life at this point.  He ruled all of their existences.  They talked about Naraku while they ate; every fight, they fought to get closer to the final battle with Naraku.  They didn't even know if they would survive.  They probably wouldn't.  What was the point? Why were they even bothering?  There really _was no point._

            Take Inuyasha and Kagome's cases for example.  They were both spinning their wheels needlessly.  Inuyasha fought for what?  Becoming a full demon?  To get revenge for Kikyou?  Sango saw no point for this.  

            She didn't understand why he was risking his life for no good reason.  He could become a demon if he just got rid of his sword.  Sure he would become bloodthirsty and without a conscience, but it didn't matter really.  The only one that would really care would be Kagome.  But even that wouldn't matter, because he had already chosen Kikyou…who was dead…who he promised to follow to hell…  So why was he even bothering to become stronger if he was just going to throw it all away?  And then Kikyou herself…there mere fact that he would die for the same woman who killed him was just silly.  And in the process of all this, he would be killing Kagome.  So really, what was the point of searching for the shards and hunting down Naraku if you were just going to die anyway?  

            Yet another reason why she shouldn't even try to open her eyes or bring her body back to motion.

            Kagome.  Poor girl.  It was amazing that she was even still here.  She was constantly putting herself in danger so help Inuyasha – who in turn was just going to leave her anyway.  Again – why was she even bothering?  She wasn't fighting for anyone's revenge, and technically she could just go back to her time where everything was just _so simple and easy.  A little jealousy crept into her thoughts at this.  Everything was easy for Kagome.  She had her family unit in her time, was loved by everyone in this time, and the only scar that she carried was the small little cut in her side from the Shikon no Tama.  That was hardly fair.  Her body was covered in scars…scars that no man would ever bare to look at with the eyes of a lover._

            She tried in vain to push that thought out of her head.  But she didn't really have control.  And as a result, the name 'Miroku' surfaced in her thoughts.  She was plunging even deeper into the dark abyss in her mind now.  The fears that she had about Miroku were very close to her heart.  She didn't think that anyone knew of them, not even Kirara could suspect her of the feelings that she had…right?

            Originally when she had joined the little group of travelers, Sango often had nightmares about her brother in the power of Naraku.  Very slowly, her subconscious had begun to show her deepest worries through her nightmares apart from her brother.  She had begun to dream of the monk.

            All sorts of terrible situations formed themselves in her mind.  They ranged from the houshi going off with one of the various women that he groped, to watching him die from youkai, humans, and his Kazanaa.  With each dream that she had, she felt her heart was torn from her chest.  It was a terrible feeling.  Wanting what you can never have.  Wanting what is so close and yet just out of reach.  Wanting a man that didn't want you.

            Kami but it was getting hard just to be around him.  She couldn't understand if he even thought of her as woman, or just something that needed to be groped.  She often tried to puzzle it out, wondering if it even mattered.  Even if they did manage to…come to terms with whatever feelings they had for each other, they both had missions to accomplish.  She couldn't move on with her brother's fate still undetermined, and he was living with his curse.  She knew that he was afraid of sucking them all in, and she also knew that he was probably afraid to let anyone love him.  It had taken her awhile to reach this conclusion, but even when she had, it provided no comfort.  No matter what their reasons for not being close, the fact remained that she loved him, and she didn't think that he loved her back.

            She would constantly vacillate between thinking that he did love her, to knowing without a doubt in her mind that he didn't feel anything but warm friendship for her.  Being with him was daily torture.  She had no temporary relief from his presence as Kagome and Inuyasha had from each other.  There was no well, no "other time" that she could escape to just to think.  When she was with him, she felt so many conflicting emotions…would they ever work out?  Could she ever…could _he ever…_

            Suddenly, she felt – odd.  There really was no other way to describe it.  She had spent so much time in her present physical state, she hadn't even noticed that she was freezing, and was secretly longing for the warmth that she had previously experienced.  What was going on?  She felt her body again after feeling separated from it for hours.  She also felt lighter, brighter, as if a large weight had been taken off her shoulders and the clouds had lifted.  

            In a moment, she remembered all of what she had thought before.  She shuddered to think of her jealousy of Kagome.  She had never felt that way before in her life.  She certainly never wanted to again.  She would have to find out what happened to her, as soon as she awoke.

            Suddenly Miroku's face swam into her vision.  'How odd.  Why…?'  she wondered.  This was all very strange.  But somehow things seemed a little clearer.  She loved Miroku.  That was a fact.  Nothing could change that for her.  So what was stopping her from acting upon it?  His feelings right?  But there were times that she thought that he loved her.  'Goodness, this warm fuzzy feeling certainly makes one optimistic.'

            Alright, she thought to herself.  Going on the assumption that he actually has…feelings for me, what's to stop us from being together?  

            As she answered this question within herself, she felt strength surge through her.  She didn't know to what she should attribute this new found energy, but she was going to use it to open her eyes at the very least.  She finally fluttered her eyelids open, only to be started by Miroku's face looming over, and feeling his lips meeting hers.  She was too stunned to do anything.  At first she felt numb from shock, but after only a moment of the contact, she felt sensations jolt through her, along with…tears?

            Not hers, surely.  Miroku's?  

            It was true, tears were running down his cheek as moved his lips against hers.  She couldn't imagine why he was crying, but she saw that it was obviously her job to cheer him up.  Besides, this was just too good an opportunity after her recent thoughts to pass up.

            With no consideration for her own wounds, she moved her arms so that they draped behind his neck, holding him to her as she responded to his kiss.  Sango didn't even notice the painful way that her side wound was being stretched by the position.  She felt him stiffen as she tried to bring her body closer to his, and as he returned to reality.

            He hastily broke away from her, mumbling an incoherent apology as he placed her back on her futon.  He never made eye contact with her as he stumbled out of the hut and into the cool, damp night.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

            Miroku blindly walked across the field outside of the village.  "What was I thinking?  I know I've wanted to do that for awhile now, but I practically forced myself on her!  She wasn't even conscious!  She might have…um… reacted in an unexpected way, but I'm sure that she'll _kill me when she realizes what just happened.  I'll have to try to apologize to her. Kami, she'll never love me after something like this…"_

            Miroku had to be honest with himself though.  Even as he sat on the hill and looked up at the now full, bright moon, he knew he would not regret what he had just done.  He would hold the memory of that kiss close to his heart for the rest of his days.  However long that was.  

            He had never felt that way with a woman before.  He was far from being an innocent, but he was equally far from being the rampaging sex-freak that his companions thought him to be.  He had not been with a woman in years, especially not after meeting Sango.  Actually, his experiences with women were limited to the geisha houses that Mushin-sama had taken him to.  He had never even kissed a woman that he liked before, let alone loved.  With Sango…she had made him feel more with one kiss while she was barely conscious, then the few geishas he'd been with had with all their tricks in the art of love.  How could that be?  It wasn't fair that he would never get to kiss her again.  But he wouldn't let himself.  He loved her too much and respected her too much to force any unwanted emotions of his on her.  She would have to come to him.  As if that would ever happen.  Too much was dividing them.  Naraku, the shards, her brother, his curse…how could he ever ask her to be a part of that?

            He had barely even finished this thought when he heard soft footsteps approaching him from behind.  He didn't even need to turn around to look to see who it was.

            "Shouldn't you be resting with the injuries that you have?" he asked her softly.  Sango did not fail to notice the slight blush on his cheeks as she sat down beside him, allowing herself only a brief glace of his countenance before shyly turning away.  Her lips still tingled from the kiss they shared, and her body grew uncomfortably warm as she thought of it.  She steadied herself with a deep breath, and spoke.

            "Miroku…I … what happened?" she asked tentatively. 

            "You were attacked by an oni that feeds off of your fears.  It took the shape of the spider youkai that you fought.  I awoke because of a – vision – that I had.  I found you just as you received the gash in your side.  I'm sorry Sango."

            "For what? You were obviously the one that saved me.  Since I was so incapable of defending myself" she said bitterly.

            "You were very capable Sango.  You could not help that your opponent snuck up on you, and attacked you with your own fears.  Besides, I'm apologizing because I should have been there sooner, I should have remembered to say the prayer…"

            "What prayer?" Sango turned to him at that.  

            "The prayer I always say after we defeat something.  It calms the spirit, and removes any residual essence of the youkai or spirit.  In this case, the oni manifested itself by increasing your bad karma.  I'm sorry that you had to relive the memories of your past.  I watched you as you suffered, and blamed myself.  It is my fault, and I accept full responsibility.  For that, and… other things as well.  I took advantage of you, and for that I am sincerely sorry" he said humbly.  He looked down at his hands folded obediently in his lap, unwilling to make eye contact with her.

            Sango closed her eyes.  This was the opening she had been waiting for.  It was all or nothing this time, and no going back.  "Miroku, I know that you think you took advantage of me, but to be honest, I really didn't mind.  In fact I – enjoyed it.  Quite a bit actually."  She saw him sneak a glance at her, and took this as encouragement to go on.

            "Miroku, I – I don't know what you're thinking right now.  If it's disgust from losing your control with someone like me," she saw him open his mouth in protest, but spoke over him  "or you're embarrassed, or what.  But I have to tell you.  When I was unconscious, I was really thinking very deeply about our companions and about…us.  My thoughts were all very dark and pessimistic for some reason, but I think, as soon as you held me, I realized something.  Actually I realized several somethings.  I discovered that the reality is, I love you."  She said simply.  "I have for the past several years now.  My love for you will not leave me, no matter how hard I try to ignore it.  I now know that the reasons I gave to myself to try to convince me that I was just being silly, and that it was just a crush, were wrong."

            She did not even glance at him as he asked her quietly, and in a broken voice, "what reasons were those?"

            "I felt that because of the uncertainty of our quest: Kohaku, the final battle with Naraku, and most of all your Kazanaa, that all of these things were somehow legitimate reasons not to let myself love you.  The very reasons that were holding me back, I have found, should be the reasons that force me to act upon my emotions.  We have too little time on this earth to waste it in waiting and hoping.  I don't want to die at Naraku's hands knowing that you never knew that I loved you.  To me, that is worse even than seeing the man let myself get attached to die, because at least _he would know my emotions and perhaps have been made happier by the knowledge.  I don't know how you feel, I may never know.  I just wanted to let you know that I love you, and that I am always here for you, regardless of your feelings for me.  I," her voice broke, and she rose from her seated position, "I am content now.  I am glad that I may at least call you a friend and companion.  It is enough, even if you don't love me.  Arigato houshi-sama for listening to me."  She bowed awkwardly, her wounds hampering the motion.  _

            Miroku could only stare dumbly after her as she limped away from him.  Did that just happen?  She had just confessed her love for him with the straightest face imaginable, effectively convinced him that all of his doubts about her were foolish – that all of his doubts about _them were foolish, and he had just let her get away un-kissed!  To say that he was numb with shock would have been an understatement.  His whole brain had shut down after Sango had said "I love you".  He never thought that he would hear that come from her lips.  Those same lips he had kissed only minutes before.  He was still staring at her retreating form when she tripped and fell on her path back to the hut.  It was what finally galvanized him into action.  _

            He ran to her side and helped her sit up.  She didn't have the straight face on anymore.  In fact, there were tears streaming down her cheeks, and she had begun to breathe in short hiccups.  As soon as he knelt by her side, she hastily covered her face with her hands, leaving a very surprised and worried Miroku to gently pry them away again.  He cupped her cheek in his cursed hand, and wiped away a few of the tears that continued to flow.

            "Sango, arigato.  Thank you for showing me true bravery tonight.  I would never have been able to do what you have just done."

            She glared at him, "thank you houshi.  But I am in no need of your pity.  And I can walk on my own, let me up."

            "Sango!  You're misunderstanding me.  I love you too!  I never thought that you returned my emotions.  Your strength, your beauty, your kindness and compassion, they all set you apart from the other girls.  I could never pity you, only admire you for all of your wonderful traits.  I'm sorry that I've groped you and treated you badly, but I was scared.  Just as scared as you originally were.  I'm terrified that I will cause you unhappiness because of my curse, and because of our quest.  But, if you are willing to overcome such obstacles, I would find it easier if you were by my side.  What I mean to say is…Sango, would you be my wife?

            Her eyes opened wide with shock.  So much had happened in the last half hour.  She went from deathly ill, to being kissed, to confessing her love…to _this.  It was all quite a bit to take in, but she managed it.  She gave a sloppy, tearful little sniffle, and flung her arms around him with a loud sob.  She cried into his shoulder as a release from all the tension.  The memories, the pain from her injuries, the pain of telling him that she loved him, all of it was released in one gigantic flow that would not stop.  He was as understanding as he always was, although doubt had begun to take root in his heart when she did not answer right away.  _

            "Sango?"

            "Yes?" she sniffled.

            "Umm… _will_ you?"

            She heard the worried tone in his voice and looked up into his worried and scared eyes.  "Yes!!" she cried.  "Yes you silly baka hentai!  Of course I'll marry you.  Silly little housh…" he cut her off by covering her mouth with his, unwilling to wait for her to finish.  Oh, this is very different from last time, she thought.  Very _very__ different.  The depth of the kiss surprised her at first, but she had always been a fast learner.  She quickly caught on, and responded to his kiss.  She was smugly satisfied with herself when she made Miroku, the oh – so experienced lover, moaned from her actions.  She was just getting started when he broke away.  She pouted a bit, but got over it when he whispered in her ear,_

            "Would you like me to carry you back?"

            Under normal circumstances, she would not have enjoyed this suggestion at all.  She would have taken it as a hint that she was weak.  This time however, she looked forward to the close contact that they would be sharing.  She only vaguely remembered him holding her when she was first injured, and looked forward to repeating the experience while she was fully conscious.  She nodded her assent, and felt him tenderly raise her in his arms and kiss her lightly on her hair, breathing in her scent at the same time.  

            They began to head back to the village.  Miroku looked down at his now fiancé lying in his arms, and couldn't help but ask, "are you sure?  Are you positive that you don't mind my curse?  I really don't know how long I have left…"

            "Of course I'm sure.  Do think that you could get me to do anything that I didn't want to do?  Besides, I'm the one who started all of this, I would think that I knew what I was talking about.  And Miroku, your curse is a part of you that has made you into the man I love.  All I can do is pray that we will defeat Naraku in due time.  Until then, I'm glad that we have this, right now.  No curse, no Naraku, can take this away from us, ne?"

            He smiled at this.  "Hai."  He felt her raise her head slightly and kiss him shyly on the cheek, then on the jaw.  She grew bolder with every passing moment, and gradually worked her way down his neck and to his collar bone, where she gave him a playful little lick and kiss and settled back down.  He shivered at the contact, and thanked the gods that she had convinced him to put aside his worries and doubts.  But it was going to be a long night of cold thoughts for him.  

            He smiled.  It was worth it.  The future looked less lonely and bleak to the both of them as they neared Kaede's hut.  This was the place where their companions and dearest friends were.  They were not alone anymore, and they realized that they never really were.  But now, they could face Naraku with one another's strength, and secure in each other's love.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 

OOOOOHHHH MAN.  I just gave up an entire night of sleep to write that.  You better review people.  This was really frustrating to write!!!  I am NOT good at writing fluff!!!  I would much prefer to make fun of Miroku try to control his urges as his was thinking in the second to last paragraph.  Much more humorous.  I can't believe that I just ended a fic with the word love. *grumblegrumble*… maybe I'll hold off on that one shot and write something dry and witty to get myself back to myself before I go off and write more lovey-ness.  Wow…anyway, that was the end of this fic, but I'm most definitely not finished writing yet!  So please review and read any stories that I might cook up in the future.

(I'll probably just end up writing fluff until I croak – but what the heck – review anyways!)

*If you e-mailed me, I responded to your e-mail.  Or I will as soon as I wake up.  Its 4:35 in the morning – gimme a break.  

Haha, thanks again to those of you who reviewed, I'm grateful to you all for your input.  It is most appreciated, and I hope that I have returned it in some way as well.  

Ja ne!  


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